Overcoming Negative Self-talk As A Mom

This post was written by Sneha J at Kaizen Mommy where she gives actionable tips on how to use self-care and mindfulness for a positive motherhood experience. She is an industrial engineer turned blogger who plays superheroes all day long with her two boys under 5, loves good food, spirituality and mommy time. She will be genuinely happy to hear your feedback on her blog! You can also follow her on social media: facebook, pinterest, twitter, instagram 

 

Moms, when you wake up in the morning, what mental dialogue goes on in your head? Let’s see if these examples resonate with you:

Oh, we are late again. I never can do anything on time these days.

My son does not eat anything. It is my fault, obviously.

I look awful today.

I just keep getting fatter and fatter.

I can’t remember what I wanted to do today. My memory is getting worse.

I am not sure if I am raising my kids right.

I am not a good mother.

And then when you are going to sleep, what happens. You are unable to sleep because your mind is still consumed with thoughts. You are thinking about all the unfinished tasks. You think:

I am so exhausted.

I just don’t have the energy anymore.

I am getting older.

I am so slow these days.

I am not as blessed as the other person/mom/friend. Everyone helps her out. No one likes me that much.

Effects of Negative Self Talk

How does it feel to read your mental dialogue out loud? So exhausting, isn’t it? How are you going to be a happy person if you are constantly telling yourself in all kinds of ways that you are not enough? Can you promise me, please, that today you will consciously hear yourself talking to yourself?

Negative thinking puts you in a mode of self-doubt. Self-doubt is the biggest productivity killer. How many times have you seen yourself wanting to talk to a fellow mom but you cannot because you think you are not good enough?

How many times have you seen yourself wanting to take on a project or volunteer but you did not because you kept thinking you could not handle it?

How many times in a day do you think that you want to run away from everything because you think you don’t have the capacity to handle whatever you have on your full plate?

Slowly but surely you are sabotaging your mind. You are creating unnecessary fear in your mind and in turn, creating a less confident you.

Do you need that? You have children around you who listen and copy you. What do you want to portray in front of them? A confident, loving person or a person who doesn’t think they are good enough? Have you considered how your kids can pick these things from you and grow up to be self-doubting people?

How To Change Your Negative Talk Into A Positive One

I will tell you it is super easy to change what you tell yourself, but it requires conscious practice.

Here are six steps to challenge your negative thinking and nip it in the bud:

  1. Be aware of your negative thought. As soon as you hear yourself saying something against yourself, snap your fingers and say, “this is negative self-talk.”
  2. Now write this negative thought down and read it carefully.
  3. Then it is time to dig deeper. Why are you thinking so negative? Is there any truth in your self-sabotage or are you just angry or upset with your current situation?
  4. Now write down one step that you can take consciously to change your situation.
  5. Turn your negative talk into positive by joining the thought and action by “but if.”
  6. Now say the positive thought loudly.

Example

Let’s learn it from an example. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom.

  1. Be aware and say this is negative self-talk
  2. Write down “I am not smart enough to talk to that mom.”
  3. Find out why you are saying this. Is this because she did not pay attention the last time you talked to her or someone else did not talk to you and you feel the same about this person. Is she lot more educated or better in appearance or very popular?
  4. Now write down what step you can take to start talking to this person. The one step I can take to feel smart enough is to read a book that mom likes or be a part of the PTA and help out or just take a step and get to know her to understand what subjects I could talk to her about.
  5. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom, but if I read a book that mom likes and join her book club, I will be able to talk to her and then I will be just as smart. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom, but if I tell her more about myself, she will know I am just as smart. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom but if I join PTA and help with volunteering she will know I am just as smart.
  6. Now say these sentences loudly and take your actions. Your determination of taking action will turn your negative thought into positive.

 

How to form a positive “affirmation journal” routine

I recommend creating a diary or a journal. Write down all negative thoughts you have as soon as you are aware of them. If you are very busy, schedule a time in the calendar for ten mins to go through your negative thoughts daily or once in two days. Once you schedule this time in the calendar, you know that you have some time to focus on changing your mind into a more positive one.

So moms, are you ready to see the world through a more positive outlook?

Today’s challenge: Become aware of at least one of your mental dialogue that tells you-you are not good enough. Follow the six step process. Get your affirmation and tell me in the comments how it changed your perspective.

For the overachievers: You take care of 5 thoughts today but do not blame yourself not to be able to do a ton.

 

This post was written by Sneha J. who gives actionable tips on how to use self-care and mindfulness for a positive motherhood experience at Kaizen And The Art Of Motherhood

Self-Care For Moms: A Necessity, Not A Luxury

This post was written by Suzanna at One Hoolie Mama, where she blogs about family fitness and food. She is a dog lover, amateur cook and photographer, and always tries to offer words of encouragement. Stop by her blog and say hi!

 

As mothers, we spend so much of our time doing things for others and caring for those around us. We give and give, and if we’re not careful and intentional about filling up our own cups, we will run dry. What we must remember, though moms, is that our self-care is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

But what do you do if you don’t have any extra time in your schedule? What about all of those other things on your never-ending to-do list? Consider these simple tips for ways to take better care of yourself:

Have a hobby and take time to enjoy your hobby on a regular basis. Maybe you like to read or take pictures. Maybe you enjoy baking or running. Whatever your hobby is, make sure make the time to spend a few minutes each week on yourself.

Take a bath or a hot shower. Go get a pedicure or paint your nails at home. Get a real haircut or spend an extra five to ten minutes and give yourself a facial or put on a hair mask. Even if you only have ten minutes to yourself, you can do a little pampering.

Tell your significant other when you need a break. Ask him or her to do the dinner or bedtime routines so you can take a walk, have a cup of hot coffee or tea, or spend fifteen minutes doing whatever recharges your batteries. If your significant other isn’t available or you don’t have a significant other to help, make sure to take some time to yourself after your little one falls asleep. There will always be dishes to do or chores to be done, but taking ten or fifteen minutes to yourself will help you be more productive and focused throughout the rest of your day. Make yourself a priority.

None of us want to be a cranky or stressed out mom, so we have to remember that the time we take to care for ourselves has to be a priority. We must fill our own tanks so that we can continue to nurture others. Mama, you must take a few minutes each day to take care of yourself.

What is your favorite form of self-care? When was the last time you took a nice, hot bath?  

 

Written by Suzanna at One Hoolie Mama

How To Be The Best SAHM

This is a guest post that was contributed by Pam from Wine and Lavender! She is a mom to three precious little ones and believes there is nothing a little wine and lavender can’t handle. She blogs about being a mom, frugal living, and health. Get to know her a little bit better by checking out her blog!

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“Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Worry about yourself.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this in my life and I can tell you that my kids hear it all the time, too.

I like to believe that us SAHMs [stay at home moms] do what we do for the good of our family, but I’d be lying to you if I told you there wasn’t an element of “I care what other people think” in there. We’re all on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram or whatever form of Social Media poison you take- perusing the victories posted by other moms.

This one posted a pic of their redesigned (and awesome!) playroom. That one has 5 kids and managed to get them all together, dressed perfectly and looking happy for portraits. (How did she do that?) They went where?! That looks like so much fun, I wish we could go! OMG- she just had a baby 2 months ago- you’d never know! Look at that gourmet meal…

It makes us re-evaluate ourselves. What am I doing wrong? If “she” can do it, why can’t I? Where does “she” find the energy? I’m sure we’ve all asked ourselves these questions at one time or another. But we never see what’s really happening on the other side of the screen. We shouldn’t assume that all is perfect in their world, as is true with our own.

For the most part (I say MOST because there are some crazies out there) people only post their victories on social media. No one posts a picture of themselves after taking care of three sick kids with stomach viruses and diarrhea. You rarely see action shots of Mom in a vulnerable, frustrated state yelling at the kids.

On my blog, I post mainly positive and helpful hacks that I’ve learned through 3 kids and 7 years of “mom experience”. It is not all wonderful, friends. I promise you. There are weekly, daily – even hourly struggles that we have. I don’t like to be “negative” on my blog because well, we have the news for that. I want my readers to see what worked for me- something that they might try and have work for them. I want to be a solution, a resource, not negativity wrapped in a WordPress theme. But I’m not trying to hide behind a perfect façade.

Perfect is the last word I would use to describe me and/or my family. And I’m PERFECTLY okay with that. I am doing the very best I can. We all are. I am being the best SAHM I can be. You are, too. We don’t need to prove it via small victory posts on social media. If we see a fellow Mom doing great- feel happy for her, not sad for you. Don’t rethink yourself. You’re doing great and your victories will come, too.

We’re all searching for solutions to our problems- working to be the best Mom out there and overextending ourselves because the other Moms look like they got it all together. Let’s stop that. Let’s accept what is and be happy with the progress we’ve made. That’s how you become the best SAHM. (Oh- and a little wine and lavender in between helps, too!)

 

Post written by Pam at Wine and Lavender

Top Tips for Breastfeeding and Exercise

This is a guest post that was contributed by Libby Nuttall from Miracle Months! Get to know her a little bit better by checking out her blog and seeing all her great resources that empower women through pregnancy and beyond. I am very excited to share with you her blog post about returning to exercising while breastfeeding!

Top Tips for breastfeeding and exercise

There are so many questions running through your mind as a new mum, many of those about breastfeeding. For something so natural, it can actually be pretty hard to get the hang of! Exercise is not only safe, but recommended while breastfeeding. Studies show exercise does not have any long term effect on milk supply or nutrient content.

The benefits of exercise to a breastfeeding mother include enhanced mental health, improved fitness and more energy to cope with the demands of a baby, so now is the time to get active!

Many mums want to get back into their exercise soon after baby has been born, but are nervous about the process. Will my supply be affected? What if I start leaking? How can I tame my “ladies”? It’s all about making it work for you. Here’s my top tips for getting back into it.

 

DON’T RUSH!

Don’t rush back into high intensity exercise, allow your body to ease back into everything. Some women do find that increasing the intensity too quickly can affect their breastmilk supply, while others say it has no impact whatsoever.

You need to discover what works for you, but easing into exercise is advisable for everyone, even if you exercised right through your pregnancy. If you find noticeable changes in your milk or baby when introducing exercise, cut back and return gradually.

 

LOOK AFTER NUMERO UNO!

As a new mum, you may be sleep deprived and lethargic. You are also using more energy each day just by breastfeeding. Don’t forget, your supply can be affected by your lethargy, so don’t push it. It’s crucial that you are providing your body with the nourishment it needs, that is, good quality food, sleep and water, so you have the energy to exercise as well as produce milk. In the early months, I find two to three days of exercise followed by a rest day is a good way to maintain and refill those energy stores.

 

SUPPORT THOSE MUMMAS!

Invest in a really supportive bra. Whether it be a breastfeeding bra or not, it needs to support your breasts so you can run with ease. Many women say their biggest challenge to overcome when it comes to exercise after baby is figuring out how to manage their breasts, so it’s invaluable to invest well and most of all, make sure it is correctly fitted.

 

MONITOR BABY’S RESPONSE

There is evidence to suggest that lactic acid can build up in the milk supply during high intensity exercise. Once again, this can be different for all women, so just monitor your baby’s response when feeding. If she doesn’t mind, then continue. If you find baby struggles to feed after a workout, avoid feeding for 90 minutes, when your milk should return to normal. And remember to change out of your sweaty clothes straight after a workout to avoid infection of the milk ducts.

 

PRE FEED!

Try to feed your baby before you do exercise. This will not only mean your baby isn’t subjected to a sweaty, salty nipple, but will mean you’re not as full while you’re working out. It can also alleviate any concerns about lactic acid build up. Before you leave for the run, insert fresh nursing pads into your bra to prevent a mid-run leak!

Post written by Libby Nuttall from Miracle Months