This post was written by Sneha J at Kaizen Mommy where she gives actionable tips on how to use self-care and mindfulness for a positive motherhood experience. She is an industrial engineer turned blogger who plays superheroes all day long with her two boys under 5, loves good food, spirituality and mommy time. She will be genuinely happy to hear your feedback on her blog! You can also follow her on social media: facebook, pinterest, twitter, instagram
Moms, when you wake up in the morning, what mental dialogue goes on in your head? Let’s see if these examples resonate with you:
Oh, we are late again. I never can do anything on time these days.
My son does not eat anything. It is my fault, obviously.
I look awful today.
I just keep getting fatter and fatter.
I can’t remember what I wanted to do today. My memory is getting worse.
I am not sure if I am raising my kids right.
I am not a good mother.
And then when you are going to sleep, what happens. You are unable to sleep because your mind is still consumed with thoughts. You are thinking about all the unfinished tasks. You think:
I am so exhausted.
I just don’t have the energy anymore.
I am getting older.
I am so slow these days.
I am not as blessed as the other person/mom/friend. Everyone helps her out. No one likes me that much.
Effects of Negative Self Talk
How does it feel to read your mental dialogue out loud? So exhausting, isn’t it? How are you going to be a happy person if you are constantly telling yourself in all kinds of ways that you are not enough? Can you promise me, please, that today you will consciously hear yourself talking to yourself?
Negative thinking puts you in a mode of self-doubt. Self-doubt is the biggest productivity killer. How many times have you seen yourself wanting to talk to a fellow mom but you cannot because you think you are not good enough?
How many times have you seen yourself wanting to take on a project or volunteer but you did not because you kept thinking you could not handle it?
How many times in a day do you think that you want to run away from everything because you think you don’t have the capacity to handle whatever you have on your full plate?
Slowly but surely you are sabotaging your mind. You are creating unnecessary fear in your mind and in turn, creating a less confident you.
Do you need that? You have children around you who listen and copy you. What do you want to portray in front of them? A confident, loving person or a person who doesn’t think they are good enough? Have you considered how your kids can pick these things from you and grow up to be self-doubting people?
How To Change Your Negative Talk Into A Positive One
I will tell you it is super easy to change what you tell yourself, but it requires conscious practice.
Here are six steps to challenge your negative thinking and nip it in the bud:
- Be aware of your negative thought. As soon as you hear yourself saying something against yourself, snap your fingers and say, “this is negative self-talk.”
- Now write this negative thought down and read it carefully.
- Then it is time to dig deeper. Why are you thinking so negative? Is there any truth in your self-sabotage or are you just angry or upset with your current situation?
- Now write down one step that you can take consciously to change your situation.
- Turn your negative talk into positive by joining the thought and action by “but if.”
- Now say the positive thought loudly.
Let’s learn it from an example. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom.
- Be aware and say this is negative self-talk
- Write down “I am not smart enough to talk to that mom.”
- Find out why you are saying this. Is this because she did not pay attention the last time you talked to her or someone else did not talk to you and you feel the same about this person. Is she lot more educated or better in appearance or very popular?
- Now write down what step you can take to start talking to this person. The one step I can take to feel smart enough is to read a book that mom likes or be a part of the PTA and help out or just take a step and get to know her to understand what subjects I could talk to her about.
- I am not smart enough to talk to that mom, but if I read a book that mom likes and join her book club, I will be able to talk to her and then I will be just as smart. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom, but if I tell her more about myself, she will know I am just as smart. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom but if I join PTA and help with volunteering she will know I am just as smart.
- Now say these sentences loudly and take your actions. Your determination of taking action will turn your negative thought into positive.
How to form a positive “affirmation journal” routine
I recommend creating a diary or a journal. Write down all negative thoughts you have as soon as you are aware of them. If you are very busy, schedule a time in the calendar for ten mins to go through your negative thoughts daily or once in two days. Once you schedule this time in the calendar, you know that you have some time to focus on changing your mind into a more positive one.
So moms, are you ready to see the world through a more positive outlook?
Today’s challenge: Become aware of at least one of your mental dialogue that tells you-you are not good enough. Follow the six step process. Get your affirmation and tell me in the comments how it changed your perspective.
For the overachievers: You take care of 5 thoughts today but do not blame yourself not to be able to do a ton.
This post was written by Sneha J. who gives actionable tips on how to use self-care and mindfulness for a positive motherhood experience at Kaizen And The Art Of Motherhood