Overcoming Negative Self-talk As A Mom

This post was written by Sneha J at Kaizen Mommy where she gives actionable tips on how to use self-care and mindfulness for a positive motherhood experience. She is an industrial engineer turned blogger who plays superheroes all day long with her two boys under 5, loves good food, spirituality and mommy time. She will be genuinely happy to hear your feedback on her blog! You can also follow her on social media: facebook, pinterest, twitter, instagram 

 

Moms, when you wake up in the morning, what mental dialogue goes on in your head? Let’s see if these examples resonate with you:

Oh, we are late again. I never can do anything on time these days.

My son does not eat anything. It is my fault, obviously.

I look awful today.

I just keep getting fatter and fatter.

I can’t remember what I wanted to do today. My memory is getting worse.

I am not sure if I am raising my kids right.

I am not a good mother.

And then when you are going to sleep, what happens. You are unable to sleep because your mind is still consumed with thoughts. You are thinking about all the unfinished tasks. You think:

I am so exhausted.

I just don’t have the energy anymore.

I am getting older.

I am so slow these days.

I am not as blessed as the other person/mom/friend. Everyone helps her out. No one likes me that much.

Effects of Negative Self Talk

How does it feel to read your mental dialogue out loud? So exhausting, isn’t it? How are you going to be a happy person if you are constantly telling yourself in all kinds of ways that you are not enough? Can you promise me, please, that today you will consciously hear yourself talking to yourself?

Negative thinking puts you in a mode of self-doubt. Self-doubt is the biggest productivity killer. How many times have you seen yourself wanting to talk to a fellow mom but you cannot because you think you are not good enough?

How many times have you seen yourself wanting to take on a project or volunteer but you did not because you kept thinking you could not handle it?

How many times in a day do you think that you want to run away from everything because you think you don’t have the capacity to handle whatever you have on your full plate?

Slowly but surely you are sabotaging your mind. You are creating unnecessary fear in your mind and in turn, creating a less confident you.

Do you need that? You have children around you who listen and copy you. What do you want to portray in front of them? A confident, loving person or a person who doesn’t think they are good enough? Have you considered how your kids can pick these things from you and grow up to be self-doubting people?

How To Change Your Negative Talk Into A Positive One

I will tell you it is super easy to change what you tell yourself, but it requires conscious practice.

Here are six steps to challenge your negative thinking and nip it in the bud:

  1. Be aware of your negative thought. As soon as you hear yourself saying something against yourself, snap your fingers and say, “this is negative self-talk.”
  2. Now write this negative thought down and read it carefully.
  3. Then it is time to dig deeper. Why are you thinking so negative? Is there any truth in your self-sabotage or are you just angry or upset with your current situation?
  4. Now write down one step that you can take consciously to change your situation.
  5. Turn your negative talk into positive by joining the thought and action by “but if.”
  6. Now say the positive thought loudly.

Example

Let’s learn it from an example. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom.

  1. Be aware and say this is negative self-talk
  2. Write down “I am not smart enough to talk to that mom.”
  3. Find out why you are saying this. Is this because she did not pay attention the last time you talked to her or someone else did not talk to you and you feel the same about this person. Is she lot more educated or better in appearance or very popular?
  4. Now write down what step you can take to start talking to this person. The one step I can take to feel smart enough is to read a book that mom likes or be a part of the PTA and help out or just take a step and get to know her to understand what subjects I could talk to her about.
  5. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom, but if I read a book that mom likes and join her book club, I will be able to talk to her and then I will be just as smart. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom, but if I tell her more about myself, she will know I am just as smart. I am not smart enough to talk to that mom but if I join PTA and help with volunteering she will know I am just as smart.
  6. Now say these sentences loudly and take your actions. Your determination of taking action will turn your negative thought into positive.

 

How to form a positive “affirmation journal” routine

I recommend creating a diary or a journal. Write down all negative thoughts you have as soon as you are aware of them. If you are very busy, schedule a time in the calendar for ten mins to go through your negative thoughts daily or once in two days. Once you schedule this time in the calendar, you know that you have some time to focus on changing your mind into a more positive one.

So moms, are you ready to see the world through a more positive outlook?

Today’s challenge: Become aware of at least one of your mental dialogue that tells you-you are not good enough. Follow the six step process. Get your affirmation and tell me in the comments how it changed your perspective.

For the overachievers: You take care of 5 thoughts today but do not blame yourself not to be able to do a ton.

 

This post was written by Sneha J. who gives actionable tips on how to use self-care and mindfulness for a positive motherhood experience at Kaizen And The Art Of Motherhood

30 Day “Me Time” Challenge For Burned Out Moms

Are you a burned out mom? Then I challenge you!

As a new parent it is understandable that your time is now dedicated to taking care of your precious new baby. Maybe WAY MORE time than you could have imagined… It is so easy to put yourself last with a new baby (or any aged child really), but it is so important to dedicate some “me time” for yourself now more than ever!

Does this sound familiar; you are tired from getting up all night, you have not showered in a few days, wearing an oversized T-shirt and pajama bottoms, and have your greasy hair pulled back in a ponytail? Yes, I may be describing myself at the present moment, but I know that there are too many other moms who can say the same (please tell me I’m not the only one!!!). So in my own efforts to regain some sanity, I have created a 30 day “me time” challenge for burned out moms to help promote self-care and let you recharge your batteries. After all, you can’t take care of a baby if you haven’t taken care of yourself first and foremost.

As a full-time mom or dad (especially of an infant or a high needs baby) we really don’t get a lot of free time during the day. At 9 months, my little man really does demand a lot of my time because he does not want to be left alone for more than about 5 minutes; and when he was really little he did not want to be put down at all… I recently found myself waking up every one or two hours at night with him thanks to one of his lovely sleep regressions, but it seemed to last for many many weeks (thankfully he is sleeping better than ever- blog post about our sleep training success to follow). I was exhausted during the day and was giving up the time in the evening I took for myself in order to get in bed asap before he woke up again.

If this sounds like you, and you are needing to focus on some self-care, then I challenge you to join me in my 30 Day “Me Time” Challenge for Burned Out Moms! (your sanity and your spouse will thank you)

Here’s how it works:

I have created a list of “me time” activities/ideas; very simple ways to put yourself first during the day in hopes to help you recharge your batteries. Complete one task each day, do them in any order you want, until they are all complete. If one of the activities isn’t up your alley then substitute it for your own idea, because it is not so much the specific activity that’s important but the fact that doing it will bring you happiness and make you feel good!

Each day, along with doing one activity, you should also take a few minutes to journal. Give a different answer to each of the following questions every day: 1. write something you are thankful for, 2. something that makes you happy, 3. something positive about yourself, and 4. what you did for yourself that day. This part of the challenge will help you appreciate what you have in your life, help you focus on the positive, and remind you of things that bring you joy.

Next, make sure when you start you tell your husband/spouse/significant other. This is important for two reasons. First, it will ensure they understand what you are trying to accomplish and can help you! Second, telling someone a goal will drastically improve your likelihood that you will follow through and accomplish it.

Last but not least, I want to hear what you are doing for your “me time”! Leave me a comment below, or find me on social media (links on main menu) and share with me any thoughts/feelings/feedback throughout your challenge or pics of you enjoying your time! Tag me in your post or use the hashtag #30DayMeTimeChallenge. I will also be sharing my journey through the 30 day challenge on social media so be sure to follow me on twitter/facebook/instagram to hear about it.

It takes at least 21 days to make something a habit. My hope for you at the end of this challenge is that it will become a habit for you to think of yourself during the day, and to focus on the positive in your life!

Without further ado…

Here are your daily “Me Time” challenges:

  1. Go outside in the sunshine. Get out of the house!!! Don’t become a hermit; take a walk, have a picnic, and soak up some vitamin D.
  2. Read a book or magazine; take an extra-long bathroom break with a magazine, read for 15 minutes before bed, or read while baby naps.
  3. Call a friend on the phone/video chat. Remember to stay connected to the outside world and to have adult conversations with people who can talk back .
  4. Do something creative; color a page from an adult coloring book, color a mandala, do a zen doodle.
  5. Take a nap (without baby). Usually my little man has to nap on me and sometimes I will doze off too, but take a nap without baby so you can sleep properly and uninterrupted.
  6. Sleep in; let daddy take baby in the morning.
  7. Take a long shower or bubble bath; wash/condition your hair, shave, pull out all the stops that you usually skimp on because baby is waiting for you.
  8. Have a date night with hubby while someone else watches the baby. It doesn’t have to be a long outing- go to a movie, grab some dinner, or even stay in if you’re not comfortable leaving home without baby yet (but at least go in another part of the house from your sitter)!
  9. Treat yourself to a favorite dessert or sweet treat.
  10. Get a haircut, or style your hair for the day. Nothing makes you feel refreshed quite like getting a fresh hairdo.
  11. Have hubby give you a massage or go get one at a spa. Holding a baby all day can be quite a work out so let someone relax you.
  12. Eat a special meal; take the time to make something you love (not something that has to be defrosted, reheated, or delivered) or splurge and grab a bite to eat out.
  13. Try to take an afternoon or even a day “off”; someone takes baby as often as they can between feedings if breastfeeding, or when baby really needs you.
  14. Take a picture of yourself that makes you feel beautiful so you can look back at this time and feel good about yourself.
  15. Make sure the house is clean and organized so you don’t feel overwhelmed in a mess; peaceful surroundings makes for a peaceful mind. I know what you’re thinking, cleaning is not your idea of “me time”, but it is about the effects of having a clean house that will bring you joy rather than the task of cleaning. You can even hire someone to come in and clean for you 😉
  16. Paint your nails/get a manicure so you feel pampered.
  17. Write a letter to your baby to give them when they are grown, and write your birth story down so you don’t forget it.
  18. Write down any worries/fears/frustrations/anxieties and then destroy the paper (*please be very careful if you burn it, I am not advocating any action that will be dangerous, and for goodness sake don’t do anything like this with baby close by)
  19. Find a mom group to join, and/or reach out to another mom to make a mom friend. You can find lots of groups on facebook or meetup that have regular outings and play dates to join.
  20. Treat yourself to something you want, not need. It does not have to be something huge or expensive, but something just for you.
  21. Do something to make your bedroom more peaceful and comfortable; you are not getting much sleep so the sleep you do get should be enjoyable! You could treat yourself to new sheets for your bed, a new pillow, or comfy blanket. You could use aromatherapy like lavender to create a tranquil space; you can buy lavender sachets or lavender pillow spray. Also, just cleaning your room and putting out things that you enjoy (pictures, trinkets, fluffy pillows) can go a long way in creating a restful space, as well as rearranging your room so that it feels different and new.
  22. Enjoy a hot cup of tea or coffee.
  23. Put on your favorite music, sing out loud and dance no matter how silly you may feel.
  24. Buy yourself fresh flowers for the house.
  25. Write yourself love notes/words of encouragement/inspirational quotes, and leave them around the house for you to see through the day.
  26. Meditate.
  27. Work out.
  28. Find a park near you and take baby for a walk.
  29. Unplug for an entire day; forget social media, just have a day where you focus on you and your baby.
  30. Take a day trip out as a family; you don’t have to go far but just get out of the house and find something fun to do together.

If you have chosen to take the challenge and I am so excited and hope it helps give you a little more time to yourself! Can’t wait to hear from you on your journey, and feel free to share with any other burned out moms you know 😉

As a thank you, here is a FREE Printable to easily keep track of your challenge.